Heart Thoughts

February 2008

The Deep Power of Inner-Love

When the word "Love" is mentioned in most conversations it is usually the given understanding that one is using the word to describe romantic or sexual feelings. But "Love" is so much more than romance and sex. It is the greatest powerful force for healing, transformation, and change known to humanity.

The power of Love can heal any emotional and mental pain incurred in life. Witnessing the healing power of love is a humbling experience as it can dissolve the most harmful pains, wounds, and hurts one may have experienced during a lifetime.

The pain that can be caused when one feels love is lacking in a relationship can cause deep hurt and pain, especially if it is caused by a parental relationship. The affects of not believing that your parents love you unconditionally as you were growing up can cause a lifetime of unhealthy behaviour and actions.

When a person does not feel loved growing up they leave the home with one of two beliefs. One of the first actions that can result from the thought of, "I mustn't be lovable so I will do anything to be loved, is to venture out into the world and find yourself unconsciously sacrificing your integrity by doing anything to be loved.

The unconscious motivating thought that is caused from a lack of love is to believe that if you give up your body for sex it might entice the other person to love you, you did it, and not just once, but hundreds of times over many years.

If you thought all you had to do was sacrifice your integrity, your life savings, your self-esteem, your self-worth, you would and you have. The desire and need to fill the emptiness experienced by the void the family of origin left in your heart of inner-love is the strongest of all voids to fill.

It can create a desperation of unconscious fear that can grow and form an unhealthy foundation upon which false actions, beliefs, and behaviours can spring forth from for years. This unhealthy foundation is the springboard that when jumped off of, creates the artificial need and belief that you have the ability to make another happy, which is the leading cause of the "disease to please."

The "disease to please" can be a long suffering affliction, costing the bearer of the burden much strain upon their emotional and mental health.

This tension pulls deeply from the healthy side of your inner-being placing unnecessary strains on your inner-health which leads directly to stress and anxiety.

Stress and anxiety are the leading contributors of causing a weakening of the immune system. The immune system is what the body leans on to prevent and ward off illness and disease. A weakened immune system makes you susceptible to ill health. But it also causes ones self-worth system to weaken.

A good gauge of knowing if your self-worth system is broken down is ; how many times in your life have you said "yes" when you really wanted to say "no?" How many times have you gone against your morals and values because somehow you have been convinced to believe it will make the other person happy?

Then you give in and do something that doesn't feel right to you, but you've managed to convince yourself that if the other person is happy, then they will love you, but it never seems to work does it? Instead what is asked of you is to do more and more and more. So you keep doing more and more believing that somehow, some way the other person is going to fill your void of love.

I have heard countless stories of women who have given away their new born babies because their man didn't want to be burdened by the child. There are literally millions of men who have spent themselves into great debt or bankruptcy trying to buy the love of their life enough "stuff." Believing that somehow if your relationship has exactly what they want, then your partner or spouse will be happy.

By buying enough "stuff," there is an unspoken hope and belief that because the person is happy with all the stuff, then you will receive what you unconsciously desire from the relationship, Love.

What is extremely important to understand is that in the midst of this action, you are not aware of what is driving the behaviour. You may falsely believe you are doing it because you enjoy being nice to others.

The "niceness" behaviour I am speaking about usually involves sacrifice of self-respect. When you are trying to constantly be nice and please everyone in your life, this outgoing energy of "niceness" and pleasing forms a one-way street for your inner-energy to exit.

But usually there is little or no traffic coming down the other side of the street. Eventually your inner-energy will start to run dry, causing even more desperate unhealthy measures of actions and behaviours. What is the most extreme case of desperation to be loved I have encountered, you ask?

I was presenting my "Free the Heart" workshop in the world's largest women's prison, Valley State Correctional Center for Women, located in Chowchilla, California, when a women in her early thirties, stood before a group of two hundred and thirty five inmates and sixty five FTH volunteers and shared, "I wanted so desperately to be loved by someone, anyone, that I allowed a very manipulative and sick man to convince me that by killing five people the world would be a better place.

I participated in the killings because he told me that he would love me forever." The women who helped kill those five people will spend the rest of her life in prison. She not only gave her life away, but she helped kill five innocent people through an action caused by the desperate need to be loved.

I later learned from the woman who killed these people that her parents had never told her that they were proud of her and that they loved her. Never once during her life with her parents could she remember either parent telling her that they loved her. So she went out into the world with the unconscious void of not feeling loved.

This void of love is the strongest of all voids and will stop at nothing in its quest to be filled. Even if that means waiting on another person hand and foot for twenty five years, while working a full time job, believing that if you can just do enough for your partner/spouse they will be happy and give you the love you are seeking.

In theory this sounds like it should work, be nice and loving to another person and they will be nice and loving right back at you. But this simple thought can turn into one of the biggest wounds you will ever attempt to heal. Most people will go through their entire life never knowing they are operating from this wound to their inner-beloved.

The inner-beloved is your inner-preciousness, your inner-wholeness, and your inner-divinity. To live an awakened, healthy, spiritual life, you have to act accordingly through your daily life in a way that reflects your willingness to love and honour your inner-being.

The lesson being taught here is; you are not honouring your inner-being by continuously giving away your physical, emotional, and mental love by unconsciously thinking that by doing so it will bring love to your inner-beloved.

The second belief one can leave home with is; if you did not feel you received enough love from your family of origin, which led you to believe that you were not loveable is you will spend the rest of your life proving to the world, that indeed, you are not loveable.

How does a person prove to the world they are not loveable?

They become extremely difficult to love because their personalities make them intolerable and unbearable to be around. A person that doesn't believe they are loveable will unconsciously make it difficult for their family or relationships to be close to them.

Many of us had parents that were difficult for us as kids to love, and we came away from our childhood thinking they didn't like us, which results in this unlovable belief that causes irrational behaviour.

When an adult is practicing the unconscious belief of making it hard for others to love them, they seldom stop and think how draining and consuming it is of another's energy to be able to tolerate the practitioners of unlovable behaviours.

The many ways that unlovable behaviour can be expressed but not limited to are;

• actions of verbal and physical violence
• emotional abuse or neglect
• criticism
• impatience
• constantly being negative and pessimistic
• self-centered
• egotistical
• and actively practicing an addiction.

When a person is demonstrating one or all of the previously mentioned behaviours, it really tests one's ability to love unconditionally.

If you have found yourself in the position of trying to love a difficult person and you haven't been able to. Then you felt shame over this because there must be something wrong with you, this kind of thinking is very unhealthy. Continuously trying to break through another's wall of resistance to being loveable can prove demoralizing to your self-esteem.

The answer to changing this behaviour is simple to understand, a challenge to master. If you are one who will do anything to be loved, and you find yourself always giving love to others. Then imagine your inner-beloved is the "other" and begin re-directing your external energy internally.

Say and do nice things for yourself, tell yourself how proud you are of all the love you have given to others, become innovative and creative in learning how to indicate to yourself that indeed you are a special and divine person in this world. The better that you feel about yourself, the more obvious it will become to you when you are not practicing healthy love.

If you are difficult to be around ask yourself, "Am I proud of the person I have become?" If the answer is "no" then become the kind of person you would desire your son or daughter to marry. Change in one's behaviour is through the realization that change is needed.

Life is far too short to spend it being mean and hard to be around.

Step up to the plate and take a swing at becoming loveable. When you wake up in the morning ask yourself what is something that you could say or do that would be sweet? I have never had to counsel anyone who was complaining about someone in their life being too sweet and kind. What epitaph do you want the people in your life to write on your tombstone?

It has been said that life is not about the numbers on your gravestone, it's about the dash between the numbers. The power of Love is what can make every moment of the "dash" as rewarding as anything you can experience between birth and death.

In Love and Peace,
David Allen Jones

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